5 core principles for supporting your kid from the sideline

If you've been to enough youth football matches, you know how parents can behave on the sidelines. Everything from sitting inside an idling car waiting for the kid to finally be finished with the match, to scrolling on the phone, to chatting with other parents, to constantly shouting instructions, to verbally abusing everyone but themselves.

By receiving this, I gather you are not in the latter group.

But if you sometimes do point out opportunities for passes, or make your kid aware of that one opponent who keeps getting in behind them, what are you really supposed to do? Like most other things, it's not an either or answer. Sometimes, kids need help knowing where to look and what to focus on.

Use these 5 core principles as a framework for your own sideline support so you have a clearer understanding of what's constructive support and what's not:

1. Drop the joystick. We often try to micromanage kids' body parts ("Lock your ankle", "Keep your chest down", "Turn your hips"). This focuses their attention inwards, making them appear more robotic stiff and confused. Instead, give them a clear target in the environment and let their amazing brains figure out how to do accomplish the goal. Focus on the grass, the net, or the opponent, not their knees or ankles.
2. Use images. Understandably we want to convey as much of our wisdom to our kids as possible. After all, most of us have paid dearly in time and effort, and sometimes tears and blood, as well. But when we give out all of this knowledge, our kids simply aren't able to relate. Instead, use vivid images of what could be done, but time it for half-time or during play in the Backyard Lab. For slowing down an attacker for instance, you might say "Put up a roadblock in their driving lane" or "Be the shadow". This keeps their focus on the relationship with the opponent, not their own knees.
3. Bite-sized cheers. Shouting a paragraph of advice while they are sprinting and sweating isn't doing much to get the information across. They can't hear you, and even if they do, they can't process it all. If you must give a points, try to keep it to 3-5 words max. Better yet, keep it simple and positive, with encouragement like "Great search!", if you noticed they looked around and acted on what was around them.
4. Silence can be golden. Constantly yelling instructions during the flow of the game creates a chaotic wall of noise that is more likely to distract them from the play itself. Instead, provide "shade", let them play and learn more from that failed pass or missed pickup of an attacker's movement than they do from being told exactly what to do every time. The game is the most elite teacher your child will ever have. Every time you yell an instruction, you are interrupting a masterclass.
5. The car ride home. Turning the car ride home into an interrogation is a surefire way to create tension between you and your kid, and to biologically delay their recovery process. Instead, ask: "what was the most interesting/fun part today?" or "what did you see when you made that awesome pass?". This will make them reflect on their own, without judgement, and is going to make them realise that they can take ownership of their own performance without being told to.

Next time you are standing on the sideline of a match, see if you can make use of (some of) these principles. It might not only make for a better learning environment for your kid, but who knows, it might bake it more enjoyable and less stressful for you as well.

Even though initially, the frustration and frankly, embarrassment when seeing a truly bad decision unfold in front of your eyes just as you predicted, is hard to deal with. But that bad decision isn't a failure; it's a Data Point. Your child is testing a hypothesis. If you intervene, you delete the data

Best,

Hans Martin

P.S. I read all replies, so if you do have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me by replying to this email!

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